I’m the Bird

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_row admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”3.0.48″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”3.19.12″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”]

I heard some commotion on the screen porch the other day and went out to investigate. Apparently I’d left the door propped open the last time I was photographing my paintings, and a bright red cardinal had gotten inside. What I heard was the sound of him throwing himself against the screens trying to get out. He didn’t understand that the door was the only opening. I worried he would die trying to break through the screen barriers. It was painful to watch. 

“Use the door!” I yelled. Then I tried talking to it like it was my dog, coaxing it toward the open door– “Here, birdie. That’s a good boy. Come on.” When I was off trying to figure out new strategies, the cardinal eventually figured it out and liberated himself into the backyard. 

Later that same day, I found myself crying into my afternoon coffee. I’m that damned bird I told my mug. 

I’ve been struggling with this new covid world. With the kids home since March, I haven’t been able to have that precious, uninterrupted, quiet, focused work time I had come to rely on. Working from home is normal for me. Doing so while I take care of kids is not. Day in and day out I have found myself in power struggles with an eight year old. Often I would go to bed all curled up in a day’s, then a week’s, then a month’s worth of guilt only to wake up each morning to the same exact fight over screen time and back talk. “You just don’t listen” was my refrain. And it wasn’t helping. 

I knew I had to try another strategy. The cardinal showed me it was possible, even if he’d spent the better part of the afternoon banging his head. So I invested in an online parenting course I’d been thinking about for a while. I needed some help. I needed new strategies. I needed to stop exhausting myself with the same failed course of action. 

It has not been an overnight success, there’s no dramatic before and after image I could plaster on the screen for you to marvel at. But I’ve been learning a lot and figuring out, slowly, imperfectly, how to use the new tools I have. More importantly, I feel empowered. I don’t feel trapped by my habits and struggles. I can change course. I can try new things. 

This spirit of change, of redirection, of empowerment is the heart of my new paintings. I started the abstract above, immediately after my “I’m the bird” incident. The vertical lines are a nod to the screen porch and the jail they represented for the cardinal. But they are also freedom– the beauty of the trees that cardinal finally flew towards. The red is the bird, both trapped and free. The red is anger but also passion, the life force that allows us to grow and to change. 

This painting is just one of many I’m working on. Just one of many meditations, some more literal, some abstracted, on feeling trapped and feeling powerful. I will “release” (can’t resist!) the entire new collection mid-August.

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_sidebar area=”sidebar-1″ admin_label=”Sidebar” _builder_version=”3.0.74″ remove_border=”off”][/et_pb_sidebar][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

Picture of Denise Hopkins

Denise Hopkins

July 29, 2020

Share Post

Leave a Reply

blog

Related Blog Posts

Remember You are Dust

One of the first things I remember learning as a child was the concept of patterns. Teachers seemed to be...

View Post
gallery wall oil paintings
July 2024, New Work Preview!

After kicking off 2024 with a (mostly) small painting a day in my annual 31 in 31 practice, I was...

View Post
Day 31. If you want to go far…

  “If You Want to go Far” 24×30 inches, oil on canvas I started this month with a bike, and...

View Post

Privacy Policy

This following document sets forth the Privacy Policy for this website. We are bound by the Privacy Act 1988 (Crh), which sets out a number of principles concerning the privacy of individuals using this website.

Collection of your personal information

We collect Non-Personally Identifiable Information from visitors to this Website. Non-Personally Identifiable Information is information that cannot by itself be used to identify a particular person or entity, and may include your IP host address, pages viewed, browser type, Internet browsing and usage habits, advertisements that you click on, Internet Service Provider, domain name, the time/date of your visit to this Website, the referring URL and your computer’s operating system.

Free offers & opt-ins

Participation in providing your email address in return for an offer from this site is completely voluntary and the user therefore has a choice whether or not to disclose your information. You may unsubscribe at any time so that you will not receive future emails.

Sharing of your personal information

Your personal information that we collect as a result of you purchasing our products & services, will NOT be shared with any third party, nor will it be used for unsolicited email marketing or spam. We may send you occasional marketing material in relation to our design services. What Information Do We Collect? If you choose to correspond with us through email, we may retain the content of your email messages together with your email address and our responses.